Read Ai Iijima's "Platonic Sex" at Christmas

christmas eve

It was the day that it was revealed that Ai Iijima had passed away.

There is something I often say to women who are troubled because they have fallen in love with an obviously bad man, or to women who have jumped into an obviously dangerous world and are getting hurt.

"There's no need to go out of your way to follow the bad paths that our predecessors have taken."

It's fine if you're doing it because you want to, and it's fine if you enjoy the time you spend worrying and feeling hurt.

But, no matter what, when I see people who are genuinely sad, it makes me sad too.

Even if it's something that person wants to do.

There is no need to commit adultery, cheat, deceive, murder, violence, or drugs.

I know that, that's why most people don't do it.

However, there are some people who do this not out of curiosity, but because they have no choice but to do so.

Rather than visible worries such as poverty, illness, or injury, people who have a certain upbringing and tend to have more sensitive emotions than others jump into trouble and have no time to indulge in evil.

Some part of the mind is immature.

It's true that I could easily say that I'm not philosophical, but there is a reason to rush through life, to the point where I'm so engrossed in living in the present.

If you are one of those people, I would recommend you read Ai Iijima's autobiography, "Platonic Sex."

I think this is a book that young people today should read.

I don't like consuming works left behind by deceased people as "content of the deceased" by superimposing them onto my own suicidal thoughts, so I would like people to read them while thinking, "I wish Ai-chan were still alive today."

In order to avoid following the path of those who have gone before you, you need to look at your own feelings objectively.

This book is written in honest words about loneliness, pretense, how emotions turn into actions, and the contradictions of clumsiness.

She appears to be a carefree and straightforward person, but when a manuscript she had written while she was busy with television work was rejected, she said, "I was mistaken for two years. I don't think miracle hits are necessary because they ruin people's lives. It's a good thing, but miracles that are more than necessary can give people the wrong impression."

Her casual words made me feel the weight of life, and I felt that her detached attitude, which allowed her to instantly look at herself objectively when she failed, was also connected to her outward attitude.

This book reaffirms to me that people who have intelligence that is not based on academics also have soft hearts and cannot survive without becoming wise.

Me too. I don't think I'm smart, but I'm too emotionally fragile, so I want to become smarter, face my feelings, put them into words, and gain the strength of detachment.

I guess Ai-chan was the same.

If she were alive today, I think the spotlight would have been on more psychological aspects of the story.

The thong look was also firmly connected to her way of thinking, so instead of seeing her as a sexy older sister, I started to see her as someone who should be respected and protected.

Although she has a flashy and sexy side, I can't help but wish more people would understand that she is also a lonely and fragile young girl.

I am often seen as flashy, strong, unique and scary, and people love and judge me for only seeing those aspects of me, but while I may be someone who is unique, I feel crushed by the loneliness that no one understands that I am actually just an ordinary, weak girl that you could find anywhere.

So I felt like I could relate to Ai Iijima's words on every page.

The epilogue contains the author's true feelings, which are at the core of his turbulent and delicate life so far.

I don't want to be told to live, to try my best, or to cheer up.

That said, I don't want to be told not to live, to give up, or to stay the way I am.

I believe that this book, and Ai Iijima's existence, are what support us in our way of life.

In the end, if you want to live your life regardless of right or wrong, you need a certain amount of wisdom and a willingness to face things head on.

If it's good, then it's good. If it's no good, then it's no good.

The fact that Ai Iijima's words are as they are neither denying nor affirming them provides us with the most elegant, gentle and warm way of empathizing.

This may come as a surprise, but I hate Christmas.

My parents are the type of people who place a lot of importance on events, so we would have event-related meals for Hinamatsuri, Setsubun, birthdays, Christmas, and New Year's.

So when I became an adult and could choose whether or not to have cake on Christmas, I wanted to run away.

Our hearts recognize that Christmas is something to enjoy with others.

Even local train stations are decorated with illuminations, and even convenience stores sell sweets with Santa Claus designs.

I'm not sure if I want to enjoy Christmas alone, and I feel left behind and very lonely.

If I could, I would like to sleep through the city lights until they go out. I don't want to go out on Christmas.

If I eat the cake, I feel a little guilty, wondering if it was really okay, and if I don't eat any cake, I feel lonely.

Once I found out the true identity of Santa Claus, I started to feel strangely depressed.

I was the type of child who would read adults' moods, so I felt that I was at an age where I shouldn't be so selfish.

If Santa Claus, whoever he is, could give you one thing you really wanted, what would you want?

When asked that, I feel sad that I can't think of things like cosmetics, CDs, miscellaneous items, or clothes.

Maybe I wish I had the opposite personality to myself.

I get depressed easily, I'm strangely serious, I'm shy, I cry easily, I'm extremely sensitive, and every day I have a jumble of words in my head, which makes me overthink things.

I want a personality that is the polar opposite of that.

So I want to have the mindset of enjoying what's in front of me.

With that, the strings of letters in your head will disappear.

When I wake up tomorrow morning, I will find that I have no ideas and I won't be able to write a column, so I will send an email to say that I will be quitting the series.

They also tweeted that their monthly zine "Specimens of Hunger" would be discontinued.

She couldn't come up with lyrics or choreography, and there was no way she would be able to sing and dance in front of people, and there was no way she would be able to become an idol, so she would suddenly retire.

I don't know what I'll do in the future, but because my emotions have faded, I don't even feel sad about the fact that I've become a machine.

But I guess that kind of life is a little lonely after all.

I went to a Christian kindergarten.

Even back then, because I was quiet and small, I was bullied by taller girls, and I truly believed that there was no God.

I couldn't pray properly, I couldn't remember the words to the prayers properly, and I even thought it was ridiculous every time the sister scolded me by saying, "Mary will be sad."

All I have are memories of getting excited as I looked over and over at the paste-up pictures in the History of Christ book we were given in kindergarten.

Nothing has changed since then.

Because of all this, I hate Christmas from many different angles.

I didn't think there was any need to write an article about Christmas in a cheerful manner, so I decided to write honestly, although I am very sorry to RonRon.

If you wish to make a complaint please address it to me.

I think it's fine for there to be people who don't like Christmas or aren't interested in it, and it's fine for there to be people who mourn Ai Iijima on Christmas.

Since we're all going to die someday anyway, we want to write honest words.

If I could get one thing from Santa, I think I would want true self-love.

It's just December 25th, so please spend it as you like, whether it's a fun day or just an ordinary day.

Author: Aya Akagi

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Currently serializing the column "Wandering Literary Lover" in FREEZINE

"My Literary Lover is Wandering" by Aya Akagi | FREEZINE